Brides.
Wedding Style.
Modern Bride Magazine.
I could go on and on listing the titles of magazines in circulation for the blushing bride to be but I won't because it gets a little redundant after a while. I have never paid much attention to these magazines. I'm more of an Entertainment Weekly and Highlights kind of a guy.
I'm staring at a stack of bridal magazines now. No. Really. They're just inches away on WEDDING CENTRAL, the area of my illustration studio that has been transformed into a wedding planner's work space. And atop the workspace there is a stack of bridal magazines perched precariously upon one another like something in a Dr. Seuss drawing.
A good friend who has been married for just about 4 months now is donating all of her magazines from when she was planning and coordinating her wedding to my adventure. Which is pretty damn nice, I might add and a very generous gift because these magazines are expensive. Another friend has given me books and notebooks. Not yet married, her wedding is planned.
I am grateful. I am out of my element and any information is helpful.
Here's the problem I have with all of these magazines. And I've got problems people. They're all about and for the bride. They're all girly and chock full of "Buy-this-dress" and "Wear this lip gloss" articles. There is nothing for the groom.
Oh. Sure. There are the "Make Sure He Doesn't Make An Ass Out Of Himself At The Bachelor Party" and "When Even A Tuxedo Can't Turn Your Lumberjack Into A Prince Charming" articles, but there is nothing for the guy who is planning his own wedding.
There are several magazines directly in front of me and I can't help but notice some of the articles to be found within those glossy perfumed pages.
Dream Dresses and Amazing Veils
Surprising Stuff You Can Rent (taco stand anyone?)
I did not make that up. Who's the ring bearer? The Taco Bell chihuahua?
15 Questions You Need To Ask
I can actually think of a 16th question and it's a really important one.
WHERE THE HELL ARE THE PAGE NUMBERS?!
Seriously Modern Bride. Yeah. I'm calling you out. But what's up with that?
I've never published a magazine before but I can you this MB: If you have a table of contents you really should have numbers on the pages. I'm still looking for Page 133. I know it's somewhere between the page with the photo of the model in the blue dress and the page with the photo of the model in the sage dress but I can't really be sure. I know men are notorious for not asking directions, but once again, I travel that road less traveled. I would like some frickin' page numbers please.
There sure are a great many pretty pictures within the pages of all these magazines and I guess the thought here is that women might want to eventually share the information within the pages of the magazine with their man. Men are visual, so let's give them something to stare at as their woman goes on and on about that particular color which would look perfect on her bridesmaids because....yadada...Spring...jasmine...blah blah blah..their hair is going to be swooped....and Dear GOD shoot me now...
Dream Dresses and Amazing Veils
Surprising Stuff You Can Rent (taco stand anyone?)
I did not make that up. Who's the ring bearer? The Taco Bell chihuahua?
What To Wear In Your Hair (glam jewels, cute veils and more!)
No! There Can't Be More!!
Beauty Finds No Bride Should Live Without
Well that seems a little excessive. "Use these products or be ugly and die?" Really?Beautiful Hairstyles (He'll Love Them Too)
Excuse me. I love my bride-to-be but I'm not getting a bob.15 Questions You Need To Ask
I can actually think of a 16th question and it's a really important one.
WHERE THE HELL ARE THE PAGE NUMBERS?!
Seriously Modern Bride. Yeah. I'm calling you out. But what's up with that?
I've never published a magazine before but I can you this MB: If you have a table of contents you really should have numbers on the pages. I'm still looking for Page 133. I know it's somewhere between the page with the photo of the model in the blue dress and the page with the photo of the model in the sage dress but I can't really be sure. I know men are notorious for not asking directions, but once again, I travel that road less traveled. I would like some frickin' page numbers please.
There sure are a great many pretty pictures within the pages of all these magazines and I guess the thought here is that women might want to eventually share the information within the pages of the magazine with their man. Men are visual, so let's give them something to stare at as their woman goes on and on about that particular color which would look perfect on her bridesmaids because....yadada...Spring...jasmine...blah blah blah..their hair is going to be swooped....and Dear GOD shoot me now...
"Here Thundarr. Look at the pretty pictures while we pluck your unibrow and shave your back and while you're at it just nod if you like this cummerbund mother and I have picked out for you."
I guess it's a matter of economics. More women than men are involved in the planning of weddings. Magazines should be geared towards that audience. And the men that are buying these magazines, more than likely, just a guess here, aren't bored whatsoever with looking at endless photos of dresses and hairstyles and flower arrangements. These are the same men who can quote lines from Sex in the City verbatim and who have probably never pulled a stump from someone's lawn using a chain and a pickup truck. No judgments here....just my opinion.
I'm just suggesting that maybe the publishers of MAXIM or Playboy consider printing a Man's Guide to Planning a Wedding. Just an idea. And, to those publishers I would also say, "Go ahead. Continue the trend and include a great many photos of pretty models in wedding dresses. Or whatever."
I guess it's a matter of economics. More women than men are involved in the planning of weddings. Magazines should be geared towards that audience. And the men that are buying these magazines, more than likely, just a guess here, aren't bored whatsoever with looking at endless photos of dresses and hairstyles and flower arrangements. These are the same men who can quote lines from Sex in the City verbatim and who have probably never pulled a stump from someone's lawn using a chain and a pickup truck. No judgments here....just my opinion.
I'm just suggesting that maybe the publishers of MAXIM or Playboy consider printing a Man's Guide to Planning a Wedding. Just an idea. And, to those publishers I would also say, "Go ahead. Continue the trend and include a great many photos of pretty models in wedding dresses. Or whatever."
Let's have some realistic articles for the man who is planning a wedding.
WHO SAYS CAMOUFLAGE CAN'T BE CLASSY?
PAIN-FREE WAXING TIPS FOR THAT ONE EYEBROW YOU HAVE THAT SHE HATES
CHOOSING TULLE WITHOUT FEELING LIKE A TOOL
PICKING THE RIGHT TUXEDO TO HIDE YOUR GUT AND ENHANCE YOUR PACKAGE
FLOWERS SCMOWERS!!
BACHELOR PARTY PLANS SHE'LL ACTUALLY GO ALONG WITH
I fear this is the closest thing in print that is designed for the man planning his own wedding.
In the Introduction of this book the author says that the mission of Wedding Planning for Dummies is to "demystify and simplify myriad details that go into the Big Day, inspire you with wonderfully innovative ideas to personalize your wedding celebration, instill confidence in you to bring off a memorable ceremony and reception (no matter what your budget or wedding style), and hopefully enable you to have some fun while doing it."
The book is 4o8 pages long and I'm in serious trouble because my brain shut down after 'demystify and simplify myriad details..."
WHO SAYS CAMOUFLAGE CAN'T BE CLASSY?
PAIN-FREE WAXING TIPS FOR THAT ONE EYEBROW YOU HAVE THAT SHE HATES
CHOOSING TULLE WITHOUT FEELING LIKE A TOOL
PICKING THE RIGHT TUXEDO TO HIDE YOUR GUT AND ENHANCE YOUR PACKAGE
FLOWERS SCMOWERS!!
BACHELOR PARTY PLANS SHE'LL ACTUALLY GO ALONG WITH
I'm tellin' you, you could make a bunch of money.
I'm staring at a copy of Wedding Planning for Dummies. I fear this is the closest thing in print that is designed for the man planning his own wedding.
In the Introduction of this book the author says that the mission of Wedding Planning for Dummies is to "demystify and simplify myriad details that go into the Big Day, inspire you with wonderfully innovative ideas to personalize your wedding celebration, instill confidence in you to bring off a memorable ceremony and reception (no matter what your budget or wedding style), and hopefully enable you to have some fun while doing it."
The book is 4o8 pages long and I'm in serious trouble because my brain shut down after 'demystify and simplify myriad details..."
Je. Matzer~Goin' To The Chapel
All Rights Reserved
Yay! I finally get to see your wedding blog. Laughing my way through every entry-- because everything you say is so true, but the way you say it is so funny. :-)
ReplyDeleteI know your wedding day will be wonderful. Mine was, and our wedding planner (me) was of the "whatever's cheapest, works" persuasion... twenty years later, my $25 wedding dress (not a typo) doesn't come close to fitting anymore, but the man who said "I do" fits me better than ever. May you and Fawn have many, many wonderful years together!
After reading (and thoroughly enjoying) your post, I just HAD to do a Google search on "camouflage wedding". Good grief! I didn't realize how popular it is! I never would've dreamed that someone would actually make a living at it, but apparently, some do.
ReplyDeleteI was actually expecting you guys to do yours as an Improv, with guests running up on stage to join in as random participants, while the minister calls out the scenarios.