I decided to use a fancy font because I'm going to be talking about the subject of wine and we all know that unless the name Thunderbird is on the label, wine is fancy. Wine is also a subject I don't know a lot about. Other subjects would include United States History, anything to do with Ancient China, pottery, British Royalty, Mathematics, Science, Biology, Chemistry, Auto Mechanics, Rap Music, Fashion, Genetics, Pyrotechnics, Animal Husbandry, Plumbing, Electronics, Military Strategy and Polish Folklore.
I know the basics. I know most wines comes from grapes. I know most wines can be classified as either white or red. I know that Paul Masson will sell no wine before it's time. and I know
I'm intimidated by wine. Maybe it's all those words people used to describe wine. Words like fruity, full-bodied, fruity with a hint of oak, oaky with a hint of fruit, dry, dry and fruity, full-bodied with floral overtones, peppery, and buttery.
Are we still talking about wine here? Because I feel like I'm going through Tom Selleck's cologne collection.
I guess my problem is that I never feel sophisticated enough for wine. I'm a sweet iced tea and hard cider kind of a guy. Blue collar. Sure. I grew up in a household where my mother and father enjoyed a glass of wine every now and then but I never was interested. It tasted sour and bitter to me and I wasn't one of those kids who tried to sneak a sip during the holidays.
As an adult I do not drink wine and i can't decide if the whole sniff-the-cork-swirl-the-glass-swish-the wine-around-in-your-mouth thing is cool in a James Bond sort of a way or just pretentious bullshit. Because, honestly, I think a lot of the peripheral trappings of being a wine drinker fall under the latter category.
There's nothing wrong with wine or the people that drink wine. It's like everything else in the world that can be enjoyed. It just takes a few douchebags to ruin it for everyone else.
There also the perception of the cost of wine and one of my biggest fears is that I will finally find a wine I like and it will be $670 a bottle. Because that would be my luck.
And you can't be fooled by pretty labels or catchy names because all that is just smoke and mirrors.
During my research I found some wines that have the most God-awful names you can imagine. I thought I would share them with you. I am not making up these names.
Mother Cluckers Chardonnay.
Cats Pee on a Gooseberry Bush. (mmmmmmm....enchanting)
Booger Swamp from the Brushy Mountain Winery in North Carolina.
The Dog's Bullocks.
Those are just a few I found and quite honestly I'm more scared of wine now then I was before I started to do my research. I wonder how long it will be before Charlie Sheen has a wine. WINNING from the Sheen Vineyards. Or maybe Whore's Sweat and Tiger Blood?
Once again, maybe I am over thinking this whole thing. Not the Charlie Sheen wines, that is, but the whole "What wines do we choose/" thing.
Fawn and I just want people to enjoy some wine during our reception. We're thinking of going the traditional route and have decided to offer a red and white.
GOD I wish it was that easy. Wouldn't that be awesome? I wish I could just walk into a wine store and say, "Shopkeeper. I'm having a wedding reception. I would like some wine please. A red and a white to be more exact. Now make it snappy. Chop chop!"
But nooooooooo. Here we go with the questions again.
"Would you like a Chardonnay or Pinot Grigio?
"A Sauvignon Blanc or a Rieseling?" "A Gewurztraminer or a Cabernet Sauvignon?"
BOOM!
That was my head exploding.
As I mentioned in my post about beer, I will be choosing wines based on the food we are serving at the reception and as I have already mentioned that we are serving pork barbecue, you would think that it would be easy to narrow the field of possible choices.
WRONG!
Haven't you learned anything yet? This is a wedding I'm planning. Nothing is easy.
There isn't some huge data base where you type in the word barbecue and it spits out one red and one white wine choice.
Wait. What? There is. Great. Don't I just feel like a big, old dope.
Okay. So apparently you can go to GOOGLE and type in "Wine pairings" and pretty much find out anything you need to know about what wine goes with what food.
Just in case you were curious: If you're serving shark, it'd be best to serve a nice Chenin Blanc.
General consensus seems to suggest that since we want to serve a red and white wine and since we are serving pork barbecue, we should think about serving a Shiraz and a Riesling.
If you had asked me before I started this little adventure, I would have guessed that Shiraz and Riesling won the Gold Medal for Figure Skating during the 1980 Winter Olympics in Lake Placid.
Je. Matzer~Goin' To The Chapel
All Rights Reserved
I'm not much of a wine drinker, and limit myself to the sweeter whites when I do, but I would heartily recommend Chateau Ste. Michelle (from Washington state) or Tabor Hill (from Michigan). They are both excellent. I do not drink California wines because they are too snotty.
ReplyDeleteGuaranteed to be enjoyed by wine and non-wine imbibers alike (I purchase this for my personal 'reserve' by the case - and it flies off the shelf at my sisters' restaurant). Plus - the packaging is stellar: RED RIGHT HAND 2006 SHIRAZ, GRENACHE & TEMPRANILLO
ReplyDelete"The 2006 RED RIGHT HAND combines all the multitude of characters and attributes of these three great red grape varieties to produce a wine full of intrigue, subtlety and complexity. From the vibrant appearance with its youthful purple hues and almost sparkling clarity to the bouquet full of heady ripe fruits and savoury spicy aromas to the palate with its dense and richly layered flavours and textures; where are all these different characters coming from? Fruit driven Shiraz, savoury Grenache, spicy Tempranillo – what a cast of players!"