By the way...


There's less than three months to go. 


OH MY.

Mommy?

Je. Matzer~Goin' To The Chapel

All Rights Reserved

Wedding Update:
Yes. We're still getting married. 


The Honeymoon 
Yes. We're going on one. 
And...
We know where we're going. 
Punta Cana. 
Or...as the natives pronounce it...punta cana.
I think that literally translates to 'kick the dog'...but I can't be certain.
Punta Cana is a region located on the east coast of the Dominican Republic in the Caribbean. It is 8 km of beaches of fine white sand, crystal clear waters surrounded by coral reefs. They had me at 8KM.
Here's a photo. Not ours. I just grabbed it off a website. I don't know why the web address is 'dead man musings' but I guess that Punta Cana is so totally awesome that even zombies love it.


http://deadmanmusings.blogspot.com/p/punta-cana-dominican-republic-pictures.html

The Food

Well. I've contacted the caterer. I've created a very fancy proposal per their request. Now I'm just waiting...and waiting...and waiting to hear back from them. How long do I wait? What is the appropriate time before I kick down their doors and scream and yell at them? 

I don't know. Time is running out. 

Let me just throw this out there. 

Would you all mind packing a brown bag for the reception?

Just asking.

The Naked Groom

No. I won't be naked. I will be wearing a tuxedo. A really cool tuxedo. 

The best part? The salesperson who helped us was awesome and worked out a really good deal for me and my groomsmen. It was also kind of cool that he looked a little Daniel Craig. I mean...C'MON!!! How cool is it that James Bond helped pick out your wedding tuxedo? Double 'O' My God!

Now all that's left is about...<counting on fingers> a million little details. 

Oy vay.


Je. Matzer~Goin' To The Chapel

All Rights Reserved

Random Thoughts 
About The Wedding


I'm going to cry. There is no doubt in my mind. As soon as I see Fawn start walking up (down?) the aisle I am going to cry. Not an ugly cry but a cry nonetheless. 
Well. Okay. It might get a little ugly. 


*****


Fawn is going to look amazing. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. 
I'm going to look like a waiter. 


*****

A train is going to pass by right as we are about to say "I do." I just know it. And what do you do? You just gotta laugh. Right? RIGHT?


*I've tried contacting AM-TRAK but got the impression from their reaction that any further questions regarding future train schedules and I would labeled as a possible security threat. 

*****

Will our whole day be judged on the fact that our tablecloths were floor length and not chair length?

*****

What the HELL does chair length mean?

*****

The success or failure of this wedding will depend solely on our selection of napkins. Paper or cloth? Burnt Orange or orange? GOOD GOD! Will the questions ever cease?  

*****

I am going to be more Fred Flintstone than Fred Astaire during our first dance. Oh you scoff but you've probably never seen me dance before. It's not pretty. I'm like a tranquilized water buffalo. At least, that's what the reviews in the paper said. 


*****


The music is going to sk-sk-sk-sk-ip.


*****


When the minister asks if there is anyone who objects everyone will raise their hands. I know. Highly improbable. Nonetheless. It's a fear. Just like my fear of Wilfred Brimley. There's just something about him. Ever since The Firm. I dunno. It's just this overwhelming fear that he will kill me in my sleep.


*****


Rain. 


*****


That girl with telekinetic powers who I picked on in high school will show up and wreck havoc on the reception. 
(Note to self: Check for buckets of pig's blood in rafters.) 
(Second note to self: Check for rafters.)


*****


Why are all the mannequins in the tuxedo store so svelte?
Then again...do I really want to get my tuxedo at a place called Tux Barn?


*****


I will not sweat. I will not sweat. I will not sweat. I will not sweat. I will not sweat. I will not sweat. I will not sweat. I will not sweat. I will not sweat. I will not sweat. I will not sweat. I will not sweat. I will not sweat. I will not sweat. I will not sweat. 

*****

I'm going to forget something. 


*****


Two words: Raptor Attack. Sure. You laugh but there have been great strides in science. You can never rule out anything. 

WE WON!


http://jensinclairphotography.blogspot.com/




Fawn and I are so totally touched by the outpouring of love and affection (and patience and persistence)...we are speechless. No. Really. We are. I know that's hard to believe-especially if you have ever sat down to dinner with us or gone on a long car ride with us or bumped into us at the grocery store...




Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.  "Pooh!" he whispered.  "Yes, Piglet?"  "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw.  "I just wanted to be sure of you."  ~A.A. Milne


We are extrememly fortunate to have people...friends...like you in our lives.


Thank you. 
Thank you. 
Thank you. 


Jody and Fawn
The Future Mr. and Mrs. 

I looked at a calendar yesterday and realized that June 16th is just 11 days away. Not exactly Earth-shattering news to you and not really the most impressive math either. Here's the thing though. In 11 days it will be June 16th and four months from that date Fawn and I will be getting married. 
Four months. 
FOUR MONTHS!!! 
By the zestful zither of Zeus!"
(Who knew Zeus played the zither?)
Where the Hell did the time go? Can I please get the last three months back? Where's Doc Brown and his Flux Capicator when you need him?

Okay. Quick checklist:

Rings? 

CHECK!

Dress?

CHECK!

Venue?

CHECK!

Guest List?

CHECK!

Table Settings?

CHECK!

Music Set List?

CHECK!

Man, you're doing pretty well. Let's keep going. Shall we?

Caterer?

Almost.

Beer and Wine?

Well, we know what we don't want.

Cake?

Yes and no. We're looking for penguins. It's a long story.

Honeymoon Destination?

Thailand and Iceland are definitely off the list!

Photographer?

Working on it. 

Honeymoon Date?

October. Probably after the wedding.

Save the Date doo-hickey and invitations?

In the planning stages. On the drawing board. Literally. 

Final Decision on Tuxedo style?
Final Decision on Tuxedo style?
Hello?

Move along please. I will be wearing pants. Probably.

Seriously?

MOVE ALONG PLEASE.

Table clothes, silverware, napkins and glassware?

This week. I swear. Probably.

You've got some serious work to do. You know that right?

Thanks. I wasn't aware. 

Idiot. 
Jerk.

Je. Matzer~Goin' To The Chapel

All Rights Reserved

Let the games begin!

As some of you are aware, Fawn and I have entered our wedding story in a contest. Photographer Jen Sinclair is offering a free wedding photography package as the prize. A generous prize indeed.

What? A FREE wedding package? Let me just say that when you're planning a wedding and hear the word free it's very exciting. Very give-me-a-second-I-need-to-be-alone exciting. Believe me, at this stage of the game, if someone offered us free pogo sticks and sparklers, we'd probably take them. I'm not exactly sure how pogo sticks and sparklers would fit into our whole casual and elegant theme, but if they were free, we would sure find a way. 

Like I said, a lot of you are already aware of the contest and our story and so many of our friends have already taken the time to go to the site and post a comment. To those of you who have done so, Fawn and I wanted to let you know that we are so grateful for your time and generosity of friendship.

If you are considering going to Jen Sinclair's Photography blogspot website (I'll put the link below) there is something you should know. The winners of this package will be selected based on the number of comments but also, and I think more importantly, on the content of the comments. In other words, she is reading the posts left and looking for comments on the couples' stories. 
She would prefer that people not just write "Jody and Fawn should win. 'Cuz I said so." I should also mention that comments such as "Jody and Fawn should win because they once saved a bus load of orphans from a going over a cliff in a school bus" can, and will, be confirmed with just a little research on GOOGLE. 
For the record, it was not a bus load of orphans in a school bus about to go over a cliff. It was in fact a group of miners in Chile. Go ahead. GOOGLE it! The story was all over the Internet back in October of 2010. 
Every contest has its rules and we are crossing every T and dotting every I because we really want to win. If you read our story and have something to say about it please take the time to post a comment. 
However...having said that. 
Apparently it's not easy to post a comment. I have three blogspot websites and I know it can be a little tricky to post a comment. Unfortunately, this particular site is set up in a way so that you can't just write a comment, hit ENTER and it appears a few seconds later. 
Below is a link in which someone had listed the steps to leaving a comment on a blogspot website. 
I tried to comment on the site to thank the person, but I couldn't figure out how to. 
So, if you're having problems leaving a comment, see if this step-by-step how to can help:
http://darraghdoyle.blogspot.com/2008/05/how-to-comment-on-blog-beginners-guide.html


Several friends have told us they have posted comments but that nothing has appeared on the site. I wish I knew what to say. I'm guessing that maybe Jen is reviewing the comments to make sure there is nothing she wouldn't want on her site, like profanity or ads for Viagra. 
If that's the case and there are posts remaining to be proofed, then Fawn and I might actually have more posts than are currently showing. 
As of today, we are competing with only one other couple. We are ahead of them right now in regards to the number of comments. That can change at any time though. It's gonna be a horse-race, for sure. 
I'm confident we can win this though. Our story is so much better and doesn't include stories of jail time or bar room fights and drug-fueled car chases through the streets of Moscow or the horrors of monkey fighting (not people fighting monkeys but monkeys fighting monkeys with weapons fashioned out of household kitchen utensils)
Okay. So. I may have made that last part up. The other couple seems very nice and I'm sure they wouldn't condone monkey fighting and blah blah blah...nice nice and blah blah blah.
THIS IS A CONTEST PEOPLE! 
The kid gloves are off! Give me a bus and I'll throw someone under it. We're talking about a free photography package? FREE! Photography! Package! People!
I'm joking of course. That whole last part was written in good natured, spirit-of-competition jest. 

You read their story and decide for yourselves whose is the better. (ours ours ours)

Just let me remind a select group of you reading this. I still have the jump drive with all the photos on it. You know who you are. You know what you did. 'Nuff said?
We good? Good.


The last day to post a comment looks to be June 14th. 
For those of you who have not yet visited the photographer's site, here is the address:
http://jensinclairphotography.blogspot.com/2011/05/wedding-contest-entry-1-fawn-jody.html

I can't begin to tell you how much this would mean to Fawn and I. 

I can try though. 

It would mean we could spend the money originally intended for a photographer on, oh, I don't know, silly things like chairs and tablecloths. 
I'm kidding. We can't afford the tables so there's no need for the tablecloths. I'M KIDDING. 

I'm a kidder. It's what I do. I kid. 

I am dead serious though in regards to how much Fawn and I appreciate you even going to the site and reading our story, much less leaving a comment. 

So thank you. 

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH for doing this for us. 

With much love, 

Jody and Fawn

Je. Matzer~Goin' To The Chapel

All Rights Reserved

Of course, there was huge wedding news this past weekend.
Yes. Friends of ours, Karen and Michael, got married just outside of Philadelphia on Saturday under blue skies in the garden of a friend. Congratulations to you both. It was a beautiful day and Fawn and I are so happy for the both of you.
What? Did you think I was going to talk about that other wedding?
I think that particular wedding got enough press. Don't you? Sure. It was a fabulous wedding, like something out of a fairy tale.
(I've said it before and I will say it again, I am totally secure in my masculinity and can use a word like fabulous but as a general rule, no straight man should ever use the word fabulous unless he's playing Scrabble)
It was magical and blah blah blah and Al Roker giving weather and insights on the happy couple and blah blah blah and loads of "Look at the dress" and...
Honestly, I don't care. I don't even want to see still photographs of the wedding of the century. It has nothing to do with William or Kate.
I just don't need that kind of pressure. I couldn't compete,ever, and I'm sure I don't want to try. Plus, to be totally frank with you, I hate big silly hats and when it comes down it, that whole day was just an excuse for everyone in the UK to go into their closets and pull out a dust-covered box with the words 'Big Ugly Hat' scrolled across the lid.
Sure there was some national pride involved, and yes, we are talking about the Future King of England <cue the royal trumpets!> here, but, let's be honest, the whole event was just an excuse for everyone to try and outdo their neighbor with who had the most ridiculous hat.
Of course we are talking about the British here, so let's keep in mind that it was a politeand proper competition. There was no name-calling. There was just dignity and stiff upper lips and hats with birds, reenactments of famous British sea battles, over-sized bows and things that looked as though they were installed for better television reception.
Did you know that if you GOOGLE the word hats the second result is hats at the royal wedding? Just thought I would mention that.
We are not expecting anyone to wear a silly hat at our wedding, especially since we've asked my Uncle Hans not to, much to his dismay. Sure he was disappointed, but we're confident he will find something to do with all those miniature pumpkins and duck decoys.
Weddings shouldn't be spectacles, but I can't hold that against William and Kate. There was no way they were just going to slip away to the Little Chapel in the Country and have a simple ceremony.  Considering the whole country was behind them and cheering them on and essentially paying for their wedding, well then, a little spectacle and some silly hats are okay.
Back here in the real world, though, where money is an issue, some concessions have to be made. There has to be some compromise. You can have the wedding you have always dreamed of, you just have to be flexible.
Fairy-tale and fantasy weddings are fun to watch and maybe even be part of but when it comes to paying for them, well, then that's a totally different story.
That's why it's so dangerous to watch wedding movies and get those fantasy images stuck in your head. Unless you have a Hollywood budget, your wedding is more than likely not going to look like your favorite movie wedding. We have all seen wedding videos. We're not talking cinemagraphic masterpieces, are we?
It's nice to dream though, as long as you are able to keep it all in perspective, but who wouldn't want to decorate their home for a reception like Steve Martin did in Father of the Bride? It was gorgeous.
Damn. There I go again.
(Okay. There's another word no straight man should say unless he is describing how his wife's/girlfriend's/fiance's butt looks in the jeans she just bought. And seriously, even then you are walking a thin tightrope. So to recap, just in case you were keeping score, words a straight man should try to avoid in conversation are the aforementioned fabulous and gorgeous, and for good measure, kitty, jammies, twinkle, cuchie-cuchie-coo, weiner, ouchie or owwie and pee-pee.)
Who wouldn't love to have Martin Short's Franck as their wedding coordinator? Who could afford it? That's the question and the rub.
You can't throw a rock at Netflix without hitting a movie about a wedding or a movie with a wedding in it. You've seen them, I don't need to list them. You know that, afterwards, as  you sit there with that little smile on your face, a thousand thoughts running through your mind. Thoughts like how nice it would be to have a wedding like the one you just saw and how awesome it would be to have Julie Roberts as a bridesmaid.
I know a woman looks at a movie like that differently from a man. I used to look at movies like that with my artist's eye. Now, being as involved in the planning of my own wedding, I look at those movies with an accountant's eye. Let's just say there won't be any doves released after we say "I do" or any fireworks during the reception. During the honeymoon? You bet! But those are less expensive and the chance we will singe off our eyebrows is less.
I might look at the groom's tuxedo and think that I might like to wear something similar and then I remember I don't have Bradley Cooper's abs...or elbows...or ankles. More often than not now I find myself thinking "My God. I bet that cost them a fortune" or "Yeah. That will never happen."
I must keep things in perspective and remind myself that movie weddings are the stuff of dreams.
All weddings in movies look beautiful. The music is always perfect. The lights are just right and everyone looks as though they're being photographed through that special lens that is usually reserved for Barbara Walters. You wouldn't know it, but she is 132. She just looks like she's only 100 because of the filters they put on the camera.
Just remember that it is the job of movies to make everything look better. Just look at Christopher Walken. He always looks really cool in the movies he appears in, regardless of the characters he's playing. Granted he looks cool in a creepy sort of way but it's the movies so we cut him some slack.
Have you ever seen Christopher Walken in person or in a candid, not-in-a-movie moment? He looks like a grasshopper with a pompadour.
More cowbell indeed.

Je. Matzer~Goin' To The Chapel

All Rights Reserved