Goin' To The Chapel

Random Thoughts 
About The Wedding


I'm going to cry. There is no doubt in my mind. As soon as I see Fawn start walking up (down?) the aisle I am going to cry. Not an ugly cry but a cry nonetheless. 
Well. Okay. It might get a little ugly. 


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Fawn is going to look amazing. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. 
I'm going to look like a waiter. 


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A train is going to pass by right as we are about to say "I do." I just know it. And what do you do? You just gotta laugh. Right? RIGHT?


*I've tried contacting AM-TRAK but got the impression from their reaction that any further questions regarding future train schedules and I would labeled as a possible security threat. 

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Will our whole day be judged on the fact that our tablecloths were floor length and not chair length?

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What the HELL does chair length mean?

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The success or failure of this wedding will depend solely on our selection of napkins. Paper or cloth? Burnt Orange or orange? GOOD GOD! Will the questions ever cease?  

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I am going to be more Fred Flintstone than Fred Astaire during our first dance. Oh you scoff but you've probably never seen me dance before. It's not pretty. I'm like a tranquilized water buffalo. At least, that's what the reviews in the paper said. 


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The music is going to sk-sk-sk-sk-ip.


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When the minister asks if there is anyone who objects everyone will raise their hands. I know. Highly improbable. Nonetheless. It's a fear. Just like my fear of Wilfred Brimley. There's just something about him. Ever since The Firm. I dunno. It's just this overwhelming fear that he will kill me in my sleep.


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Rain. 


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That girl with telekinetic powers who I picked on in high school will show up and wreck havoc on the reception. 
(Note to self: Check for buckets of pig's blood in rafters.) 
(Second note to self: Check for rafters.)


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Why are all the mannequins in the tuxedo store so svelte?
Then again...do I really want to get my tuxedo at a place called Tux Barn?


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I will not sweat. I will not sweat. I will not sweat. I will not sweat. I will not sweat. I will not sweat. I will not sweat. I will not sweat. I will not sweat. I will not sweat. I will not sweat. I will not sweat. I will not sweat. I will not sweat. I will not sweat. 

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I'm going to forget something. 


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Two words: Raptor Attack. Sure. You laugh but there have been great strides in science. You can never rule out anything.